Monday, March 31, 2008

Saturday, March 29, 2008

I Hate My Job #40

Long Runway. Short Flight.

By nature I am a thinker. I have a hard time expressing and vocalizing my feelings to my family and closest friends. I probably reveal more of my deepest thoughts on this blog than in any personal conversation. This is probably way more frustrating than any of you can imagine. I continually find myself in pivotal situations in which my inability to properly communicate leaves me regretful and remorsefully ruminating and reliving these disappointments by myself through many a sleepless nights. It's emotional torture on the mind. I can anticipate and imagine how a conversation will play out in my mind ahead of time, but usually preparation lends itself towards anxiety instead of confidence. Occasionally these personal constraints will build up by means of synergism and leave me yearning for a life of solitude. I love hate my job.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Sometimes I Don't Know What I'm Thinking

VRHV2: posts small blind $25
alexeiartov: posts big blind $50
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to KKBigDawwg69 [Td Tc]
Festvuss: folds
El iablo: folds
FITTS: folds
jelizmd: folds
MezmrizePLZ: folds
KKBigDawwg69: raises $100 to $150
VRHV2: calls $125
alexemartov: folds
*** FLOP *** [Qh 5c Kh]
VRHV2: checks
KKBigDawwg69: bets $250
VRHV2: calls $250
*** TURN *** [Qh 5c Kh] [3d]
VRHV2: checks
KKBigDawwg69: bets $672 and is all-in
VRHV2: calls $672
*** RIVER *** [Qh 5c Kh 3d] [Jh]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
VRHV2: shows [Kd 9d] (a pair of Kings)
KKBigDawwg69: mucks hand

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I Feel Like a Fucking Loser and a Half

Poker has gone complete down the shitter and I am nearly bust again. All of my parents (both step and natural) think I don't care about them because I don't randomly call them to see how they are doing - it's just who I am and these things rarely change. I haven't had a girlfriend in 7 years. I am continually going to alcohol, food, and cigars to try and drown out the pain. I struggle to fall asleep before the sun rises. I am constantly on retarded ass banana monkey life tilt. All of my poker friends are having wild success while I drown in envy. I've been a shitty friend lately. I have no confidence. My keyboard broke. I am a degenerate low life. Internet porn sucks. My body is falling apart. My car isn't running well. I am getting dumber by the minute. My grandmother broke her hip. kla gta34jlt ajklsa lkja 34tl ;kja2 t;25JKL; J ;LKAf #K A3;K AF2 ;LA234TT;LK A23L;K A2R;LK AR;LK1 ;lk 1RZ SF;LK EFLKJ qlk QWEF;LKJ qwefq;lkjwER; 24tkjw;lkjwag'; ljQEL;Q#F;lq#f; Lfg';lkja w; R okWF;OJawevka evf" eG';LKJE FGqw;qfa'wer;lkfg sadgljasg;lkjawerg' ;aw34
g;g; lj

Monday, March 24, 2008

Enough Lies

I know after reading this blog loyally for a long time now you might feel that you know me pretty well, but I can't keep this charade up any longer. It's time for the truth. My name isn't really Joel Patchell and what you have been reading isn't my personal thoughts and life story. My real name is Shannon Shorr. I have all the proof you need right here:I am sorry for tricking y'all for so long. You can find my real blog here: the blog where I pretend to be me here: and the blog where I pretend to be other people here:

It feels great to finally tell the truth and I hope I haven't hurt anyone with all this deception.


Saturday, March 22, 2008

30 Reasons I Probably Will Get Married

  1. I am intelligent
  2. That's what the polls are saying
  3. I make a decent amount of money for my age
  4. I have a sense of humor
  5. I have an Italian mother who really really wants grandchildren
  6. I am more attractive than many other men
  7. I have a kick ass dog
  8. I have a kick ass car
  9. I stay in good shape
  10. I am loyal
  11. I am still young
  12. I have really awesome friends
  13. I am creative
  14. I am easy going
  15. I don't have any STD's
  16. When I really want something I know how to develop and bring my A-game
  17. I tend to get really good advice on life
  18. I have a flexible job/lifestyle
  19. I am a pretty nice guy in general
  20. I am open minded
  21. I am patient
  22. I have a loving family
  23. I have a good memory
  24. I have a lot of free time on my hands
  25. No one wants to die alone
  26. I find the idea of being a father before I die very appealing
  27. I know how to cook
  28. I am honest
  29. I am not a convicted felon
  30. Scotchy scotch scotch

Fuck 'Em Even If They're Celibate

As the United States is quietly slipping into an economic recession many economists are offering their advice. Some say the best thing to do is revamp the system and give tax cuts to promote business capital investment. Others suggest deficit spending by the government. Some say a laissez-faire approach is the best...

As the past few weeks have gone by my poker earnings have quietly slowed down and I am wondering what to do. Sometimes I think I need to step down in limits to slow down variance. Often I believe the best approach is to redevelop my game to try and fix some leaks. Occasionally I think the best thing to do is leave it all alone and everything will even out with time...

"I know that ain't fair, but I don't care. I'm a mother fuckin' cash money millionaire."
-Lil Wayne

Thursday, March 20, 2008

My Name Is Noman

There is something about being nameless and faceless [anonymous] that tends to bring out the worst in people.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

30 Reasons I Probably Won't Get Married

  1. I gamble for a living
  2. I am selfish
  3. I am extremely picky
  4. I am indecisive
  5. I think all women are disloyal cheats
  6. This blog
  7. I am a slob
  8. I don't wake up till 4pm
  9. I stay up till 7am
  10. I am passive
  11. I don't know what I want
  12. I am inexperienced
  13. I am obsessive compulsive
  14. I have poor communication skills
  15. I often think of complements, but never say them
  16. I am unconventional
  17. I am shy
  18. I am insecure
  19. I haven't been clean shaven in years
  20. I have bad first impressions
  21. Most marriages I know don't seem to work
  22. I get anxiety attacks
  23. I often find myself stuck in the friend zone
  24. I am clumsy
  25. I have poor social skills
  26. I would eventually ask for a prenup
  27. I enjoy life on the road
  28. I mostly keep my feelings to myself
  29. Too often I am on mega life tilt
  30. I am lazy

An Exercise in Superfluous Negatives

It isn't living if it never cries
It isn't rock climbing if you aren't bleeding
It isn't rap music if it isn't needlessly flashy
It isn't prostitution if you never get paid
It isn't poker if it your bankroll isn't at risk

Monday, March 17, 2008

True Genius

You can't run a blue flare past me - I know this move all too well...The Riparan posts the small blind of $25
gamblegambel posts the big blind of $50
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to gamblegambel [6d Ks]
Jomiakkus7 folds
Genius 28 has 15 seconds left to act
Genius 28 calls $50
The Riprian folds
gamblegambel checks
*** FLOP *** [6c 2s 5s]
gamblegambel checks
Genius 28 bets $50
gamblegambel calls $50
*** TURN *** [6c 2s 5s] [3h]
gamblegambel checks
Genius 28 has 15 seconds left to act
Genius 28 bets $100
gamblegambel calls $100
*** RIVER *** [6c 2s 5s 3h] [8s]
gamblegambel checks
Genius 28 bets $800
gamblegambel has 15 seconds left to act
gamblegambel has requested TIME I just don't think you got it...
gamblegambel calls $800, and is all in
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Genius 28 shows [9s Qh] Queen Nine high
gamblegambel shows [6d Ks] a pair of Sixes
gamblegambel wins the pot ($2,023) with a pair of Sixes

Sunday, March 16, 2008

An Exercise in Teaching Gambling Retards

I am starting to realize that many people don't quite understand what a luck graph is... so I will do my best to explain it. Glossary:

: how much money you are actually up/down

Expected Winnings: how much money you "should" be up/down

Luck: the difference between profits and expecting winnings

That is to say there is no way to tell how I am actually doing from a luck graph (as most of you know I don't care to discuss my actual finances on this blog). It nearly shows the difference between what I should be up/down and what I actually am up/down. For example I could have had even expected winnings, but be down 73k from bad luck... or I could have had 73k in expected winnings and be even in profits from -73k in luck... or I could have had positive 500k in expected winnings, but only be up 427k because of -73k in luck. I hope this clears up a few things for the gambling inept out there.

I Hate My Job #38

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Variance Is a Bitch

As a short stack bad beats come in different forms. There will never be some spectacular pot in which you get insanely unlucky for 500 big blinds. There will be however be 45 day periods in which you run about as poorly as possible. Since Feb. 2nd I am running 73k below expected. 73k. 73k. 73k. 73k. I guess it's really not that much money if you are the CEO of a fortune five hundred company, but it's enough to put me on some serious monkey life tilt. I feel as if the day in which my luck will be even for the year will now never come : (
[I was up about 20k in luck for January]

Friday, March 14, 2008

Short Stack. Strong Play.

Seat 1: Snjke ($1154.15 in chips)
Seat 9: KKBigDawwg69 ($1522 in chips)

KKBigDawwg69: posts small blind $25
Snejk: posts big blind $50
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to KKBigDawwg69 [Qd Jd]
Usd2beGOOD: folds
CSINO-KID: folds
ryke: folds
LttleZen: folds
jm2536: folds
KKBigDawwg69: raises $100 to $150
Sejke: calls $100 Uncommon play to start - most people jam or fold
*** FLOP *** [2s Kh 7s]
KKBigDawwg69: bets $200 Against an unknown I probably c bet this 40-70% of the time
Sejke: raises $200 to $400 Weird min raise. I would expect a flat call from king or seven and I would just expect bigger raise or jam from flush draw. Seem like he is trying to take it down cheap, but a rereaise isn'y my best play here...
KKBigDawwg69: calls $200 out of position float
*** TURN *** [2s Kh 7s] [2h]
KKBigDawwg69: checks
Snjke: checks tough for him to fire a second barrel here without at least some outs/looks like boat or air
*** RIVER *** [2s Kh 7s 2h] [Th]
KKBigDawwg69: bets $700 he only had 600 +small change left and I need to make sure I fold out medium aces
Snjke: folds
KKBigDawwg69 collected $1097 from pot
KKBigDawwg69: doesn't show hand

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Jessica Alba

Keep in mind when voting that she has herpes:

Life Is Cheap Until You Pay the Price

Being over analytical is quite the double edged sword. When it comes to being a perfectionist in games and making wise decisions with large purchases it's a blessing in disguise. But when it comes to something as simple as deciding where to eat dinner or more important life decisions [such as should I go to this wedding, should I move to a new city, should I tell this person how I feel about them] it's a curse and a half. It ultimately leads to uncontrollable anxiety and awkward panic attacks. I often fantasize of being a simple minded blue collar man.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

In an earlier post this year I predicted three roadblocks in my annual goal. Although boredom and burnout are setting in a bit it appears the latter is the the strongest possibility. YTD: 150k hands.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Slightly Edited Steam of Consciousness

I keep having this dream. I am running a marathon of unimaginable length such that even the concept of a finish line is foreign. A staircase composed of small goals that leads nowhere is rather disheartening. I manage to trick myself for brief moments. Sharing tea with a close friend at a local coffee shop. A dinner party with inspiring people. Trivia nights at neighborhood bars where every wants to know what you do for a living. Ultimately every high hoped departing drive from my condo concludes with a most somber voyage home. I wish my mind and reality had a more honest relationship. I love my family. I love my friends. I love who I am. Everything just feels detached. I am growing increasingly tired of being dragged along in a passive aggressive manner through this somber state. The day in which morning's are anticipated instead of occasionally noted is eagerly awaited.

Monday, March 10, 2008

---------flip flop
= burst = blow = bump = bellowing =


Saturday, March 8, 2008

Miracle Drug?

You all know those prescription drug commercials that list a ton of side effects at the end. I was watching TV the other day and an advertisement for Mirapex came on. And as they started listening to the side effects: dizziness, nauseousness, and tendency towards EXCESSIVE GAMBLING !?!?!? (You can read more about it here:

"...hundreds have alleged that since taking the medication they are finding themselves feeling powerful urges to gamble, shop, have sex and eat compulsively. Many have stated that they find these urges uncontrollable, resulting often in broken marriages, bankruptcy, and host of psychological problems including depression and suicide."

I suspect I know a few online poker players who are on this med.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

You Know It's Your Birthday When...

You're apartment looks like this:
Thanks to Elizabeth who helped decorate my condo in celebration of me turning 25 today. I don't have any plans for a special party or what have you, but I am going out to a nice Italian dinner with my mom and Ed. I also bought myself these pimping Italian flip flops for a present:

The Office: Please Hold

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Cigars and Scotch for Breakfast

Today I had a big glass of scotch and a cigar for lunch. Is it healthy? No. Is it my new anti-tilt? Yes.

The following is a graph of how my poker skills change with alcoholic drinks:
Tomorrow is my birthday - I turn 25.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Sunday, March 2, 2008

You Can't Spell Obsequious Without I.O.U.

The following is an unaltered top ten list of my biggest donators for the month of February as determined by Poker Tracker profits in heads up pots:

10. bigt43-9

9. kerpowsk-i

8. muckemsay-uhh (dropped a few spots from last month at #3)

7. Suic1de K1ng

6. yoyo_bluff

DAYDREAM posts the small blind of $25
PimpKan posts the big blind of $50
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to gamblegambel [9c Ah]
bigt43 folds
gamblegambel raises to $125
yoyo_bluff calls $125
PimpKan calls $75
*** FLOP *** [9d 7d Jc]
PimpKan checks
gamblegambel bets $275
yoyo_bluff calls $275
PimpKan folds
*** TURN *** [9d 7d Jc] [7s]
gamblegambel bets $275
yoyo_bluff calls $275
*** RIVER *** [9d 7d Jc 7s] [4c]
gamblegambel checks
yoyo_bluff bets $825, and is capped
gamblegambel calls $825, and is capped
*** SHOW DOWN ***
yoyo_bluff shows [Qc As] a pair of Sevens
gamblegambel shows [9c Ah] two pair, Nines and Sevens
gamblegambel wins the pot ($3,147) with two pair, Nines and Sevens

5. ThePayBack

4. Stud_Maverick

plastikcard: posts small blind $25
ADZ12: posts big blind $50
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to KKBigDawwg69 [Kh Js]
LarryBh: folds
Stud_Maverick: calls $50
sweetluvi: folds
LittlZen: folds
TheNuofime: folds
KKBigDawwg69: raises $150 to $200
Daut4: folds
plastikcads: folds
ADZ12: folds
Stud_Maverick: calls $150
*** FLOP *** [3d 2c Jc]
Stud_Maverick: checks
KKBigDawwg69: bets $250
Stud_Maverick: calls $250
*** TURN *** [3d 2c Jc] [Th]
StudMaverick: checks
KKBigDawwg69: bets $475 and is all-in
Stud_Maverick: calls $475
*** RIVER *** [3d 2c Jc Th] [4s]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Stud_Maverick: shows [3h 5d] (a pair of Threes)
KKBigDawwg69: shows [Kh Js] (a pair of Jacks)
KKBigDawwg69 collected $1922 from pot

3. Pok3rProdgy

2. Luc_Longly

Luc_Longley posts the small blind of $100
gamblegambel posts the big blind of $200
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to gamblegambel [Kh Th]
Ptalco folds
Genius folds
Kinetic stands up
pc4Libr4ted folds
Luc_Longley raises to $600
gamblegambel raises to $4,616, and is all in
sviskon sits down
Luc_Longley has 15 seconds left to act
Luc_Longley calls $4,016
gamblegambel shows [Kh Th]
Luc_Longley shows [Js Qs]
*** FLOP *** [7h 8s 9s]
*** TURN *** [7h 8s 9s] [Ah]
*** RIVER *** [7h 8s 9s Ah] [Jc]
gamblegambel shows a straight, Jack high
Luc_Longley shows a pair of Jacks
gamblegambel wins the pot ($9,229) with a straight, Jack high

1. ADZ_124 (back to back reigning number one champion!)

One Bad Apple

Traditionally when I come across a young male age 19-26 and the topic of profession comes into conversation the responses to hearing I am a professional poker player vary from neutral to enthusiastic. I came across the exception the other day. I was at my good friend's birthday party when this kid asked me what I do for a living. After I told him I play poker, he proceeded to claim that all gamblers lose in the long run. I told him I am a profitable player. He remained skeptical. Eventually the topic of conversation moved passed poker and he let it go. However, when he was saying his goodbyes and readying to leave he brought it up yet again. "You REALLY play poker?"... "All gambles lose in the long term"... "I don't believe it"... I eventually responded, "I don't really gamble for a living, I was just messing with you." To which he replied, "heh, you nearly had me believing you there." It was my best bluff of the week.