Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
Things change. The adaptability of humans as people is so understated that sometimes we hardly realize how inconsistent our surroundings really are. I can remember back in 2006 when I was crushing Party Poker. My father would tell me about how I had such a good thing going and should play as much as possible. I would just laugh, play my 1.5 hours a day and shrug off his subtle wisdom. I sometimes daydream about some solar panel company coming to recruit me to help develop more efficient power cells. I'd like to think I am naturally talented at figuring things out, but ultimately I think it is more weighted towards an unhealthy addictive obsession. In college I remember feeling very unguided. I yearned for some higher up to just tell me what I needed to do and what to focus on. When the universe lacks any clear channel to flow down I get quite sidetracked with the trivial aspects of life. Last year when I was doing online dating I would skim over profiles of women and place high value on promising and valued professions. Lately whenever I am on there I get excited when I see unemployed, still finding my purpose in the world and other drifting feelings. Never finding a girl I can spend the rest of my life with is slowing replacing knee surgery as my number one fear. I feel my social skills are getting better. I used to sometimes joke how I was socially retard, primarily as a method of fishing for complements of proficiency. Luckily those days are in the rear view mirror. I have a few friends that have recently found long term relationships come to a close. Somehow I feel as if I have a deeper wisdom of life in those times. I really enjoy talking with those of broken heart and helping them focus on the positives whist remaining completely realistic. It seems like people are always moving back home, leaving for new experiences or jobs, traveling for unrequited love or finding solace on the open road. I manage to stay put. Uncomfortable settled in my home. I keep just doing what I enjoy. But things still keep changing.