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I have a disease and they don't know what to call it.

In Short

I love movies. Believe it or not I had never stayed to see two movies back to back in a theater until last week when I saw Contagion and Drive. It was such a pleasant experience that I went for another DF this evening and caught Moneyball and 50/50. I am such a crybaby when it comes to sad movies. I was a virtual WW for the SH of the latter movie. I was wondering today what is it about someones personality that makes them a MCB. They say a dog accurately mimics the PTO, and I guess that makes sense since my dog is a mush. I'd bet most people wouldn't describe me as a TS, but I mostly blame that on my ND and EW I tend to put up. I've actually been in really HS ATW. I give credit to my new WP, DL, and OTF. So far I have taken 10,348 steps today. Typically BR crave depressed and sympathetic material in their daily reads, but since this site is typically full of such, I'd imagine y'all might appreciate the FBA.

I am a firm believe that more is less. My life in high school could be categorized into two sessions: football season and off season . I don't know how many people who read this are familiar with just how time consuming Georgia high school football is. We would have to go to school an hour early for work outs and stay for at least three hours after school for practice. When all was said and done I usually had less than ninety minutes to do any homework on most nights. The ironic thing was because I was so restricted I was extremely efficient with my spare time. When the season was over and I had all the time in the world I would do half the schoolwork I did previously. It was completely counter intuitive. Currently I have more free time than I have ever had in my life up until this point. It is attempting to drive me completely crazy. Recently I just instated some personal goals to retain some regiment. I am pretty fascinated with the Herschel Walker workout plan of just sit ups and push ups. I've adapted it into my own version. I will not let a day pass where I don't accomplish either 1000 push ups, 1500 sit ups, or 300 pull ups. I've also forced myself to take at least 10,000 steps everyday minimum [tracked via pedometer]. I've grown a little frumpy as of late so hopefully this will take care of that. I am kind of fascinated with the malleability of the human body. It's been exactly a months since I have played a hand of poker. Hopefully I will be ready to head to Canada by January.

Turmoil (The Maternal Sort)

My mother has always been reservedly negative about my career choice. But since I've recently explained my plans for moving to Vancouver, she has expressed to me just how much she really hates what I've done with my life. She revealed how she felt poker has made me depressed, drink too much, lose all my girlfriends and now move away from my family*. It's one of the hardest things I've had to do as a son. Seeing the look of disappointment in your mother's eyes is rather soul crushing. I've had a countless number of people criticize me for playing poker for a living, but as an independent confident spirit it never really phased me. It's such a beautiful game and I love every minute I am fortunate enough to play it. But when your mother really thinks you are wasting your life it sucks. I still don't feel like I have much of a grasp on how a career really defines a person and to what degree. It's funny how often we fight our parents' wisdom and advice only to look back years later and see how wrong we really were. I am just not sure this is one of those spots.

*footnote: I was really only super down and out in early 2008 and it mostly stemmed from being single for 7 years and an internal turmoil resulting from such complete early independence in my adult life [just partially resulting from poker]. I've always loved alcohol since I had my first drink long before poker. It's in my blood. Going out and drinking with friends is one of my favorite social activities. I never turn to alcohol as a result of feeling depressed. I am aware of the dangers of it getting out of hand and spend considerable efforts maintaining it at a moderate level [45 drinks a month]. The relationship deal is tricky. It's pretty tough to pinpoint exactly the reasons my last two fell apart. Long story short I'd blame poker about 8%. I will not argue though that poker does tend to keep many ladies at bay. Sometimes for the better, but mostly to a disadvantage. My mother was right about poker being the direct cause of me moving away from my family, but jobs require this all the time. It is kind of unfair to blame such a flexible job for what will most likely be a short term leave.

Do Something

So I have been pretty unhappy with the sedentary pace my life has been going the past few months. I was originally going to wait until the end of the year to move out of the country, but at this point the idea of leaving is very exciting. I am 95% sure I will be trying to move to Vancouver very soon. The only obstacle is if I can feasibly bring my dog really. Hopefully I can find someone to take care of him here for a while or get a pet friendly apt in Canada and drive up there. All the research I did pointed at having to do a 6 month tourist visa. After that I'll either have to manage a work visa somehow or marry someone up there. Also the likelihood of playing in US ought to be clearer by then. I can't wait to start making some money again and move on with my life.

Last One

I am going to take a music and starcraft hiatus. I hope you like this last song I will be posting (Shafer did the beat):

Just Making Music These Days

Two Other Songs I Have Been Working on

An Original Tune

Some Jazz Flute I Put Together

Things change. The adaptability of humans as people is so understated that sometimes we hardly realize how inconsistent our surroundings really are. I can remember back in 2006 when I was crushing Party Poker. My father would tell me about how I had such a good thing going and should play as much as possible. I would just laugh, play my 1.5 hours a day and shrug off his subtle wisdom. I sometimes daydream about some solar panel company coming to recruit me to help develop more efficient power cells. I'd like to think I am naturally talented at figuring things out, but ultimately I think it is more weighted towards an unhealthy addictive obsession. In college I remember feeling very unguided. I yearned for some higher up to just tell me what I needed to do and what to focus on. When the universe lacks any clear channel to flow down I get quite sidetracked with the trivial aspects of life. Last year when I was doing online dating I would skim over profiles of women and place high value on promising and valued professions. Lately whenever I am on there I get excited when I see unemployed, still finding my purpose in the world and other drifting feelings. Never finding a girl I can spend the rest of my life with is slowing replacing knee surgery as my number one fear. I feel my social skills are getting better. I used to sometimes joke how I was socially retard, primarily as a method of fishing for complements of proficiency. Luckily those days are in the rear view mirror. I have a few friends that have recently found long term relationships come to a close. Somehow I feel as if I have a deeper wisdom of life in those times. I really enjoy talking with those of broken heart and helping them focus on the positives whist remaining completely realistic. It seems like people are always moving back home, leaving for new experiences or jobs, traveling for unrequited love or finding solace on the open road. I manage to stay put. Uncomfortable settled in my home. I keep just doing what I enjoy. But things still keep changing.

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