Failure

I don't know how to initiate a first kiss with a girl, it's pathetic. During my 28 years on this planet I have kissed 6 women. 2 of those were initiated by the other sex. 1 was the result of countless hours of anxiety over my first kiss. And the other three were heavily induced by alcohol. It really makes me feel like a worthless man. It's strange how extremely difficult the first one can be and then the next thousand can be so effortlessly beautiful and naturally expressive. I need help.

NYE

I have been scouting some locations for new years eve with my buddy. We are leaning towards throwing a warehouse party. Here are a couple of the spots we were thinking about:

A Week or So Later

I have been having some interesting results; probably past the line of blogable content. I need to take some time to think about what I should publish. I have also been discussing new tactics for life with good friends, which is always a pleasure. On a lighter note, this seems to be a strange position by dog likes to chill in.

Experimentation

Lately I have been really into trying out some interesting techniques for furthering myself. I have already mentioned the 10k steps a day and sit up/push up routine I have been doing. Which, by the way, has been having satisfactory results thus far. I have also recently been researching testosterone levels and enunciation betterment lately. I found a few studies that found this common peculiar trend among males. Apparently if you abstain from masturbation your testosterone levels will have a huge peak on day 6 and day 7 and then slowly return to normal:

So now I have put myself on a once a week masturbation schedule. It requires quite a bit of self discipline. Also I have been doing an enunciation exercise every night where I read two pages of my book out loud whilst holding a marker with my front teeth. It strengthens the tongue and jaw muscles and helps prevent mumbling, which I am quite susceptible too. I'll let you know how these two new experiments pan out.

Honestly for a genius like me life is too easy, so I have to get piss drunk as often as possible so I can relate to the plight of the common man.

Me Me You Me

I suck at falling asleep. I have insanely vivid memories of being a child of 8 or 9 and my parents giving me in depth coaching on how to go to bed at night. They would make me do jumping jacks and push ups right before bed. And once in bed then would try to give me exercises to help turn my brain off. It didn't work then and it doesn't work now. I've tried it all. I've read before bed. I've watched TV to fall asleep. I've done yoga and meditation and mind clearing exercises. It really is a sick curse. The average person falls asleep in 7 minutes. I would guess it takes me on average 53 minutes from eyes closed and head on the pillow before being asleep. Sometimes I can fall asleep in less than ten minutes. But more commonly it is a night like this in which it can take me hours to fall asleep. I think I am hyper sensitive to many things that would typically roll off most peoples' shoulders. It seems in direct contradiction to my typically existential personality. It's one of those peculiarly destructive tendencies that everyone has some advice on, but ultimately I think it just comes down to a simple realization that some of us are just flawed beings.

7 Million

Wise Words from Cartman

"This country was founded by some of the smartest thinkers the world has ever seen. And they knew one thing: that a truly great country can go to war, and at the same time, act like it doesn't want to. You people who are for the war, you need the protesters. Because they make the country look like it's made of sane, caring individuals. And you people who are anti-war, you need these flag-wavers, because, if our whole country was made up of nothing but soft pussy protesters, we'd get taken down in a second. That's why the founding fathers decided we should have both. It's called "having your cake and eating it too."

Flow Chart

Graph

I have a disease and they don't know what to call it.

In Short

I love movies. Believe it or not I had never stayed to see two movies back to back in a theater until last week when I saw Contagion and Drive. It was such a pleasant experience that I went for another DF this evening and caught Moneyball and 50/50. I am such a crybaby when it comes to sad movies. I was a virtual WW for the SH of the latter movie. I was wondering today what is it about someones personality that makes them a MCB. They say a dog accurately mimics the PTO, and I guess that makes sense since my dog is a mush. I'd bet most people wouldn't describe me as a TS, but I mostly blame that on my ND and EW I tend to put up. I've actually been in really HS ATW. I give credit to my new WP, DL, and OTF. So far I have taken 10,348 steps today. Typically BR crave depressed and sympathetic material in their daily reads, but since this site is typically full of such, I'd imagine y'all might appreciate the FBA.

I am a firm believe that more is less. My life in high school could be categorized into two sessions: football season and off season . I don't know how many people who read this are familiar with just how time consuming Georgia high school football is. We would have to go to school an hour early for work outs and stay for at least three hours after school for practice. When all was said and done I usually had less than ninety minutes to do any homework on most nights. The ironic thing was because I was so restricted I was extremely efficient with my spare time. When the season was over and I had all the time in the world I would do half the schoolwork I did previously. It was completely counter intuitive. Currently I have more free time than I have ever had in my life up until this point. It is attempting to drive me completely crazy. Recently I just instated some personal goals to retain some regiment. I am pretty fascinated with the Herschel Walker workout plan of just sit ups and push ups. I've adapted it into my own version. I will not let a day pass where I don't accomplish either 1000 push ups, 1500 sit ups, or 300 pull ups. I've also forced myself to take at least 10,000 steps everyday minimum [tracked via pedometer]. I've grown a little frumpy as of late so hopefully this will take care of that. I am kind of fascinated with the malleability of the human body. It's been exactly a months since I have played a hand of poker. Hopefully I will be ready to head to Canada by January.

Turmoil (The Maternal Sort)

My mother has always been reservedly negative about my career choice. But since I've recently explained my plans for moving to Vancouver, she has expressed to me just how much she really hates what I've done with my life. She revealed how she felt poker has made me depressed, drink too much, lose all my girlfriends and now move away from my family*. It's one of the hardest things I've had to do as a son. Seeing the look of disappointment in your mother's eyes is rather soul crushing. I've had a countless number of people criticize me for playing poker for a living, but as an independent confident spirit it never really phased me. It's such a beautiful game and I love every minute I am fortunate enough to play it. But when your mother really thinks you are wasting your life it sucks. I still don't feel like I have much of a grasp on how a career really defines a person and to what degree. It's funny how often we fight our parents' wisdom and advice only to look back years later and see how wrong we really were. I am just not sure this is one of those spots.

*footnote: I was really only super down and out in early 2008 and it mostly stemmed from being single for 7 years and an internal turmoil resulting from such complete early independence in my adult life [just partially resulting from poker]. I've always loved alcohol since I had my first drink long before poker. It's in my blood. Going out and drinking with friends is one of my favorite social activities. I never turn to alcohol as a result of feeling depressed. I am aware of the dangers of it getting out of hand and spend considerable efforts maintaining it at a moderate level [45 drinks a month]. The relationship deal is tricky. It's pretty tough to pinpoint exactly the reasons my last two fell apart. Long story short I'd blame poker about 8%. I will not argue though that poker does tend to keep many ladies at bay. Sometimes for the better, but mostly to a disadvantage. My mother was right about poker being the direct cause of me moving away from my family, but jobs require this all the time. It is kind of unfair to blame such a flexible job for what will most likely be a short term leave.